A Christmas prayer for 2012

Each Christmas Eve, my wife and I host a traditional Italian "Feast of the Seven Fishes" for family and friends. Marie creates a masterpiece every time. However, as the father of the household, I like to lead guests in  prayer before we start. Well, 2012 was a challenge for us with illness, the death of Marie's father, the death of one of my most long-timed friends, and more, including the tragedies in our national community. I composed a special prayer for the occasion; I hope you find meaning in it.
Merry Christmas and happy new year.

Prayer before Christmas Dinner  2012

We are grateful for the many ways we are blessed this night.

In a world where many walk in hunger; we’re blessed to have an abundance of food. And so, may we eat with humble and grateful hearts.
In a world where many walk alone, we're glad to have each other.
At a time when many are in sorrow, having had their children and other loved ones taken from them unexpectedly, we're grateful for this moment of joy and to be together, especially in the light of an extraordinary year.

Having survived a year of illness, we hope that God's compassions never fail us,
and that his mercies are new every morning.
We give thanks for the relief from the sickness of this past year and for the hope of renewed health.

On this night of joy and in this moment of togetherness, we also feel the absence of people we loved. 
Let us remember the Christmas celebrations of the past and be grateful for having had them.
Let us soften our hearts and be more compassionate with everyone we meet and be in harmony with one another.

And finally, let's remember the central reason we are here. The beauty of this table tonight is that we gather as people with a wide range of beliefs. Yet whatever we believe, one fact is indisputable:
Jesus Christ, who was born this night, said that the two great commandments that contain the whole law of God are to love your God with your whole heart, with your whole soul, with your whole mind, and with your whole strength. And also to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

So in light of all what we believe, what we have endured and all we face ahead,
may this food restore our strength, giving new energy to tired limbs and new thoughts to weary minds.
May this drink restore our souls, giving new vision to dry spirits and new warmth to cold hearts.
And may this time together restore our souls as we head into a new year with the opportunity to be renewed.

Climate Change May Have Abetted the Wrath of Khan (Genghis, that is)

One of the world's greatest conquerors seems to owe his success to global warming. Still think this phenomenon is inconsequential?
According to The Economist, two academic researchers have uncovered evidence that it was changes to the climate that helped Genghis Khan take over half of Eurasia. Data found through tree-rings indicate that during his rise to power, Khan's world was wetter and warmer than in millennia past. This led to richer grazing than normal, which powered his horde's most powerful asset: their horses. 
These finding are not conclusive. The researchers, Amy Hessl of West Virginia University and Neil Pederson of Columbia University, are consulting with other scientists and a historian to test their theories. But regardless of the outcome, this theory further supports the notion that climate change does indeed alter history in ways that we would not normally imagine.

Trucking Companies Drive Home Point: Indices Can Be Misleading

Charles Dow, the first editor of The Wall Street Journal, had many prescient investing theories. One stated that a breakdown in transportation stocks presaged a downturn in the overall economy.

However, Dow's observation is being test right now. The largest players in the trucking field  -- J.B. Hunt Transport Services, Heartland Express and YRC Worldwide -- should see revenue gains between 5 and 13 percent. Yet while these large trucking companies are doing well, there is still a buildup of inventory at wholesalers, manufacturers and retailers, and this does not bode well for the entire economy.

So why the anomaly? It turns out that ONLY these large trucking companies are doing well; they are largely meeting the withered demand for trucking by themselves. Smaller companies have not been able to invest in the newer vehicles and the people needed to meet the demand. So manufacturers and retailers will be paying higher transportation prices because the trucking industry is short about 20,000 drivers (according to industry analysts).

So the lessons to be gleaned from this:

• Old theories should be heeded, but not blindly.
• A rising tide does not lift all boats. Sometimes the better maintained boats do better.
• The principle of supply vs. demand certainly applies to talent: Members of the trucking industry are competing for quality drivers, which are in short supply right now.

In the Category of "What Was I Thinking?"

My friends and I got into a discussion on Facebook today on several Presidential campaign snafus that were entirely avoidable: Mitt Romney's heartfelt but vocally challenged rendition of "America the Beautiful" is now an Obama ad. Barack Obama tone deaf remark that "the private sector is doing fine" has been a Romney ad for weeks. Perhaps the biggest self-inflicted wound of all time was by Michael Dukakis when he got into a tank and... well, let the ad speak for itself.
But, really, don't our organizations do the same things when they take actions or make announcements without thinking them through? Here are some examples:

• A company makes record profits but employees' salaries are frozen.
• Health benefits are cut with out a rationale.
• U.S. Olympic uniforms are made in China.
• New Coke. (Really, do I need to elaborate on that one?)

Here's a simple example of preemptive media management: An industrial TV organization I belonged to gave a "Communicator of the Year" award to a local broadcaster. As the dinner was underway, a local TV station  -- indeed, the one where he worked -- sent a crew in to get some footage for that night's newscast. As soon as they entered the room, his beer bottle quickly, discretely went under the table. He enjoyed it again after they left.

That really wasn't so difficult. We should all give our actions that much consideration.
 

A Recipe for Insularity

To close yourself off from the public and limit your accountability for your actions, do the following:

• Prepare a large and loyal following.
• Coddle your organization's insiders.
• Blacken anyone who disagrees with you.
• Blanch over the slightest interference from outside authorities.
• When it all comes to a boil, cry prejudice.
• Stew over the results of your actions.

This winning recipe has been done to perfection for such institutions as Penn State University, The Catholic Church, The Democratic Party, The Republican Party and most big-city police departments.
Warning: The final dish when left out loses its taste over time.

Learning Inspiration from Jack Nicholson

I was watching the 1997 movie As Good As It Gets when I heard one of the most memorable lines, and one of the best sentiments, written for a movie over the last 20 years.

Jack Nicholson played Melvin Udall, a writer with OCD, who falls in love with waitress Carol Connelly (played by Helen Hunt). While he is awkwardly wooing her over dinner, she requests a compliment from him, mostly to counteract the insults he inadvertently inflicts on others as a result of his condition.
Melvin thinks it over, and he informs Carol that since he met her, he is controlling his OCD with medication for the first time. Carol, bewildered, asks what that has to do with her.

Melvin draws his breath and announces to Carol, somewhat gallantly, that "You make me want to be a better man." (See the scene here.)

It is one of the best compliments that Carol has ever received in her hard-knock life. And well it should be.

Who is the person for whom you want to improve? To do your best? It could be a loved one, a teacher, a coach, a boss, a colleague.

There must be a person for whom you want to give more than a passable effort. You could write a brochure that looks like the others in your marketing department, or you could create a breakthrough document. You can lay brick to collect your daily pay, or you could help build one of the most beautiful walls ever.

But who is the person YOU want to make better? Maybe that is the more pertinent question.

In Memoriam: Robert D. "Bob" Reif

Bob Reif smiles proudly upon his
family: (from left) Eric, Amy and Melissa.

A little backstory: My friend since age 13, Bob Reif, died of complications from a lung transplant on June 24m 2012. At the request of Bob's wife, Amy, and his children, Eric and Melissa, I proudly delivered this eulogy for Bob at at Temple Rodef Shalom in Falls Church, VA on June 26. I spoke these words when I stepped to the lectern and was impressed by the size of the crowd gathered.

Wow! From this vantage point, I am able to see so many people who were touched by Bob. From where you are, I ask that you look quickly to your left... your right... behind you and in front of you.

Do you see all those people with us today? I guarantee that you all have one thing in common. I'll bet Bob made every one of you laugh and be happy at one time or another.

My wife, Marie, and I share a favorite memory that illustrates Bob audacious sense of humor. It was at the funeral of his father, Martin. When Marie and I came up to the casket to express our condolences, Bob's mother, Annalise, looked wistfully around at the crowd -- the many people in attendance -- and she said, "Look at all these people. Isn’t it nice? Marty would have enjoyed seeing them."

Bob looked at the casket, smiled at us and said, "Yeah, in fact he would have preferred it."

He had few filters, no sense of shame and little sense of propriety. And that was because he understood that it is not the years in your life that are important, but rather the life you give your years.

Bob's mind operated at the speed of light. He was so fast and he had stored so much information that he could make a pun or a joke or an incisive and insightful observation seemingly instantaneously. It was hard to keep up with him. But along with a fast mind, Bob had persistent values. Those of us who knew him, as I have for more than 45 years, know that that he saved his biggest barbs for politics. He was unabashedly, unapologetically and unilaterally liberal. And Democratic. Bob is the only person I know who could have his son wear a T-shirt that read, "Friends don't let friends vote Republican."

By the way, if you are Republican, please don’t take offense at this. I have been on the opposite side of Bob’s politics, and I am left of center myself. By the time Bob was done with me, I looked like Rush Limbaugh to him.  If you’re offended, we can blame Bob today.

But I also understood that Bob's values came from the wellspring of charity and altruism that has been the hallmark of modern American Judaism over the course of the 20th century through the present.

You see, even as Bob grew more successful in his life, material things never really possessed him. Instead, he continued to care genuinely for others who were less fortunate than he was. And he believed that we needed to care for another. He lived the words of Psalm 82: "Defend the cause of the weak; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

It speaks well of Bob to say that these qualities are considered old-fashioned today. As the chairman of Epstein Becker Green so beautifully expressed in an e-mail to the firm yesterday, Bob was loyal, fair, committed, and an eager mentor to new members of the firm. In the tumult of everyday life, it was not often about him. Amy, Eric and Missy, his brother Gerry, his mother and father, his mother-in-law Kitty, and we, his friends... all of us came first.

I can attest to this from personal experience. During the course of his fight with pulmonary fibrosis, Bob learned that I was also ill. From his hospital bed, he wrote a message to me that encouraged me to fight and beat the disease. Even in his most challenging time, it was not about him.

No words that I or anyone will give you today can remove the hurt, the betrayal we all feel after such a promising period after Bob’s transplant. But here in the presence of God, we can choose, over time, to thank Him that the life of Bob’s years was so abundant with the virtues of
joy and wit…
benevolence and selflessness…
honor, idealism and integrity…
his ongoing wonder and curiosity for all the world has to offer,
and in the end, courage.

And God, please take Bob with the open and generous arms that he extended to so many of us. But however You take him... please don't take him too seriously. I guarantee You; he can make YOU laugh, too.

DOES THAT SUCK? and Other Questions about Language

I was evaluating a Toastmasters meeting, when a speaker said that a particular situation "sucked."

Hm. 

When I presented my report to the club, I asked, "Was that term acceptable to you? I am really asking that question, because I know the root of that expression (in my inside voice: fellatio), and I would not use it. But that could be a generational and cultural bias on my part? What do you think?"

It was an interesting discussion, and the consensus is that "sucks" is the new "stinks" - a previously questionable term that has entered into acceptability.

In another example, Toastmaster magazine published a cover story titled Snafu Survival, about how to protect yourself from unexpected technical problems. I knew that someone would object to "snafu" as a World War II acronym for "situation normal, all fu**ed up." Sure enough, two members wrote to the magazine, asking if the editors really knew the origin of this word and questioned its appropriateness. One said that she would not even display the issue publicly. The editors responded that the dictionary defines this as a perfectly acceptable word.

I believe both instances bring up good lessons about the appropriateness of words. I suggest these guidelines:

1. Don't be so hidebound as to ignore the evolution of the times and the current interpretation of the word in question.
2. Still, be sensitive to your audience as to the sensitivities of your particular audience. That includes demographics and culture as well as age. For example, a synonym for "stingy" is "niggardly." I knew someone who thoughtlessly used this word to an African American audience.
   Enough said.
3. Ask people of different backgrounds what they think of a word as a way to learn, especially those of a different age group. Such folks teach me things all the time.

 

Take a look at this photo. Do you see anything wrong with it?
You should know that at time in Great Britain, this was the equivalent of the middle finger. However, I think you can safely make the gesture today. Though I don't know why you would find it useful.

Capere Natalis (Seize the Birthday)

So today is my birthday, and I was having breakfast with my friend, Ralph. We were commiserating about the state of our lives, and we both reminisced about the times we were very successful losing pounds on Weight Watchers©. I turned to Ralph and said, "I have been thinking about going back to Weight Watchers. Would you go with me?"
He agreed, and after breakfast, we drove to the mall and signed up. Our first meeting is 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. (No, we did not procrastinate. The next available meeting today was not for another three hours and would have killed our schedule for the day.)
A positive change made in a matter of minutes.
Question: Why can't I do that all the time?
Answer: I can. The difference is that today was the rare day when I resolved to make that change immediately.

An Open Letter to Recruiters: It is Time to Treat Job Seekers with Dignity

How are job-seekers being treated by employers and their surrogates, such as HR departments and recruiters, in this difficult economy ? Here is a glimpse, in the form of an open letter from a job candidate who had enough.
 
First, the scenario: An out-of-work senior professional I know applied for a job at an East Coast health care chain. The organizational recruiter requested a phone interview him, and he accepted, adjusting his schedule to spend an hour with her. After hearing his credentials, the recruiter was interested enough to ask for more information in the form of examples of the candidate's work in that field. "Send me the work samples," she requested, "and I will share them with the hiring manager. He'll be back next week, and I will get back to you to tell you how we will go forward."

The candidate prepared a detailed portfolio and e-mailed it to the recruiter. Time passed. First one week. Then another. The candidate was patient, until a month passed. Then he corresponded with the recruiter and received this response by email:

"Thank you so much for your time and additional information on your background for the position at (local employer).  At this time, the Executive team has decided to move forward with an internal candidate.  We will keep your information on file for future roles."

This was a day when the candidate had had enough, and he sent back this e-mail:

"As a job hunter, please let me give you some input for you and your peers: 

"After I gave you my time and responded to your request for a portfolio as a follow up, I would have appreciated knowing of this development. There are many of us out here trying to get work in a difficult economy, and it is disheartening to spend our time and make a great deal of effort only to be left hanging, made to wonder what is happening next.

"It is apparent that even after all the initiative I put into this opportunity, I would not have heard from (local employer) if I had not circled back. And I am quite familiar with your position. In my own role as a business leader, I have built and rebuilt teams over the years by seeking out and interviewing many people. I have called prospective candidates and even vendors back to give them closure and to thank them for attempts to work with me. In this era of instant, electronic communication, not using a simple e-mail, even one that is automated, is an oversight and a slight.

"I urge you and others in your discipline to remember that there are real, live people on the other end of these applications and interviews. It would be helpful to their psyches if more employers and their recruiters kept these folks and their pain in mind."

I'm glad that my friend got this off his chest, as he speaks for all job seekers who are being treated poorly. We have reached a point in this business world where employees and potential employees are regarded as one more piece of capital, as costly and expendable as last year's model of the fax machine, and  even as outmoded at times. Many are suffering, and they are putting forth any effort they can to earn a livable wage. They do not need to be humiliated further by faceless factotums who treat them as expendable.

Decades ago, Linda Loman, Willy's wife in Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman cried out in frustration when her husband was being disregarded in the work place. She said, "He's a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him....Attention, attention must finally be paid to such a person." At one time, I found those words to be overly dramatic and hyperbolic. Now, nearly 65 years later, in this place and time, Miller seems downright prescient. Shame on us who have allowed this to come true.