Celebrating the Birth of Christ

It is the morning of Christmas Eve. The neighbors’ houses are brightly decorated, the cards are mailed, and our gifts are wrapped. My wife, Marie, is preparing a seven-fish dinner Christmas Eve dinner, an Italian-American tradition that she has adopted for our family over the last 10 years. But in this moment in the early hours, I find my time to reflect on what this season means to me.

Like many men of my Boomer generation, I struggled with religion, particularly my Catholic Church. I dealt with the inconsistencies and hypocrisies that exist in all religions, yet I found myself always drawing back to church and my desire to lead an ethical life. I saw so-called religious people — many to whom I am related — profess disdain, if not outright hatred, for people who were different from them. When I talked about helping someone who was down, the response that shot back at me was, “Who helped ME?”

Through them, I questioned, “Is this how people who call themselves Christians are supposed to act?”

Finally, somehow inspired, I found I could come to terms with the role of Christ in my life by concentrating on a single passage from the New Testament (John 15:12), in which He says:

“This is my commandment,
that ye love one another,

as I have loved you.”

That single sentence is everything for me. It informs my thoughts and actions. It causes me to ask myself how I should treat my fellow humans, regardless of their colors. Regardless of their facial features. With no mind of their gender. And without judgment of whom they choose to love.

When I am in want, I hope that someone will reach out to me, whether I need a consideration, an opportunity or a kind word. Do I, in turn, give my own gifts to others? Do I give from my abundance or from my leftovers?

When someone commits a wrong, how willing am I to forgive?

Am I even willing to let another car in front of me when I am in a long line?

When I vote, is it in habitual response to an ingrained ideology, or am I really choosing someone who will make life better for all of us through the judicious use of public service?

Years ago, when I worked as a young intern on a local religious program, I had the pleasure of meeting spiritual counselor Tony Campolo. He has always been unlike most evangelical Christian ministers in that he spoke in common language, spreading a message of love and humor. In recent years, I saw him on a national political talk show when the subject was religion in public life. He said —and I’m paraphrasing here, as I don’t remember his exact words — that nowhere in the New Testament did Jesus comment on gay marriage, prayer in school, or keeping our wealth. However, He did speak frequently of looking after one another. No one else on the panel could respond to Tony or dispute him.

As I have experienced more than 50 Christmases and am well past the ephemeral enjoyment of toys, I give much more thought on the birth we are supposedly celebrating. The Jesus Christ I know, love and admire is not a figure of retribution but one of love, a traveler and teacher who reached out to all. I see Him more often in the actions of community workers than in those of politicians, more sincerely in Mother Theresa than in televangelists. I hear His message more strongly in Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” than I do in many sermons and hymns.

In this year-end celebration that is common to so many of our cultures, let’s reflect on our roles in this imperfect world. If you profess to follow a Perfect Master like Jesus, Buddha or Mohandas Gandhi, this can be a season of renewal and a time to recommit to their principles.

I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

A Christmas Song from my Group

Here is a performance of O Holy Night by A Cappella Pops, a singing group of which I am a proud member. Enjoy!

10 Principles for 2010

In my pile of loose notes, I came across this list of "10 Principles" from hotel heir Barron Hilton. Wise words for a new year:

1. Find your own particular talent.
2. Be big. Think big. Act big. Dream big.
3. Be honest.
4. Live with enthusiasm.
5. Don't let your possessions possess you.
6. Don't worry about your problems.
7. Don't cling to the past.
8. Look up to people when you can look down to no one.
9. Assume your full share of responsibility.
10. Pray consistently and confidently.

Don't Get Burned by Holiday Toasts

Ah, it's the holidays. Time for lights and libations, presents and parties. The chances are that you will be asked to make a toast at an organization event or company party. Here are some tips to make it memorable but not deplorable.

1. It's not about you. -- Everyone in the room is enjoying the holidays, not just you. Whatever you say, make it about them rather than yourself as often as you can. Example:
   "This is a time when we all enjoy being together," instead of
   "This is a time when I enjoy getting together with friends."
   In other words, use the words "we," "us," and "you" whenever possible, and the pronoun "I" as seldom as possible.
   
2. This is a time of good will, not payback -- Sure, Fred the Photocopier incorrectly collated your presentation to the Finance team, or Shirley on the board of elections miscounted the ballots for Rotarian of the Year. But this is when we're supposed to have peace on earth and so on. Be upbeat and cheerful. Don't poison the atmosphere. I guarantee you that people will remember that as surely as if you had poisoned the punch.
3. Be considerate of all your colleagues. -- Sorry to ask you to face the truth, but not everyone is celebrating Christmas. Yes, as a practicing Christian, I am truly thrilled about the coming of the Christ child, but perhaps your co-worker with the turban observes something different that is just as meaningful to him. The end of the calendar year is a common time of celebration for MANY cultures. Be thoughtful.
4. Make sure you are clear-headed. -- There may be liquor being served at your party (a wild guess on my part). I know that alcohol can sneak up on me at times, even if I don't drink much. If you are not up to the task physically or mentally, bow out. You may earn an unfair reputation that you will never live down.
   
5. Keep it brief. -- The cliche is true; brevity IS the soul of wit. Don't go on and on, making your toast an event unto itself. It is just a bit of holiday spice, not the main course. Treat the moment as a privilege rather than a birthright. If they want a long holiday drama, they will turn on the Hallmark channel.

Have fun during this most wonderful time of the year, to quote the venerable Andy Williams. By the way, click here to learn how to enjoy your company's holiday party without risk -- wise words from my good friend, Dr. Bill Lampton, the Complete Communicator.

QUESTION: How long should a speech be? ANSWER: Just long enough

There is nothing quite like making a decision on the fly.

I gave a speech recently to a branch of the National Association of Credit Managers in Tampa, Florida, and I was confident that I was positioned to succeed. True to my own advice, I had met members of the group the night before, shared "happy hour" with them, broke bread that night, and had breakfast with them the next morning. They got to know me and developed a comfort level with me, for which I am grateful.
I was invited to speak about change management, the subject of my book, "The Six P's of Change." I was advised that this is a profession beset by change, where people are doing more work with fewer resources. My allotted time was 90 minutes.
I could tell we got off to a good start. They were engaged and asking questions. They laughed at the funny parts (thank goodness!) and participated in the instructional sections. It was going well.
Still, as time went on, I could see them fading a bit. "Well, it's after lunch, so their blood sugar is dropping," I told myself. And, yes, it was the day after a late night out. But there was no denying that they were drifting away like Leonardo DiCaprio from Kate Winslet at the end of Titanic.
I looked at my timer. I had logged 45 minutes, half my allotted time.
I believe I ended up making the best decision I could. I wound up the speech. I referred to material that summed up my premise, first an inspiring true story of triumph over adversity, and then a humorous story that drew hearty laughter.
My applause was warm, loud and, I believe, heartfelt.
My client, who was running the conference called for a break. After I sold a couple of books to attendees, he said to me, "I think you closed at the right time. I could feel that you were losing them."
I would have preferred for him to say, "Oh, Pat, you left the stage much too soon. You could have gone on for another hour." No such luck. But he did validate my judgment to wrap up when I did.
A week later, he sent me feedback from the group: a high grade and no negative comments, "which is pretty good," he said. "Most speakers speak on specific credit topics and (those subjects) rate higher than a soft skill presentation." In other words, the attendees tend to be much more interested in presentations that pertain to their credit businesses, so my topic went over quite well.

When I was producing video full time, the client would invariably ask, "How much will my budget be?" Many producers like me would answer, "How long is a piece of string?" Similarly, as a speaker or presenter, you need to determine not only how much time is appropriate for you to make your point, but how much the audience could bear. Keep that second point in mind, and I am confident your odds of success will improve greatly.

Our Wondrous Bodies, Our Beautiful Minds

Yesterday, my wife and I visited a local exhibition of Body Worlds, the exhibition of preserved human bodies, which has become a global phenomenon. We enjoyed it very much as an educational experience, and it answered many health questions that I've had over the years. These include the differences between healthy and diseased lungs, how many blood vessels we may have in a part of our body, and what an actual nerve looks like.
However, as you might guess, I was still curious about our minds... not our physical brains, but our abilities to think, reason, remember, feel, and more. Body Worlds shows bodies in all their splendor -- very fit bodies -- but I have often wondered how we can have fit minds in our advancing years. (Sadly, I have seen many durable bodies outlast the brains that they encase.)
Luckily, there was a representative from the Alzheimer's Association, and I asked how we can exercise our minds as well as our physiques. She smiled and handed me a brochure titled "10 ways to maintain your brain. © ." The expected advice was there, such as taking care of your physical health (e.g., controlling sugars, blood pressure, and more), having a healthy diet, and maintaining healthy life habits.
Because this is a copyrighted creation, I will link you directly to the the pdf of "10 ways to maintain your brain. © ," out of respect for the Alzheimer's Association. In the meantime, I look forward to our continued, healthy communication for a long, long time.

Lessons from (a month :-/ ) on the Speaking Circuit

Wow! I can't believe the date. It is already a month since my last post. Thankfully, this has been for a good reason. I had a very busy November speaking to a wide variety of people. Early in the month, The National Association of Collection Managers (NACM) flew me to Tampa, FL, to speak to a group that specializes in healthcare, and I spoke about how to prepare for the inevitable changes in their market, drawing on my own experience in that industry. After I returned, Right Management had me speak to their candidates in two different offices about how to stay prepared for variations in their employment. Lastly, I went to the U.S. headquarters of Siemens Healthcare to address their women's support network. (I was gratified to learn later that the meeting was opened up to all employees, and they drew their largest audience ever. I thank them all for their participation.)
Now that I am back in the saddle of cyberspace, I will have many things to write about, given the experiences of the last few weeks. However, here are a few quick hits.

1. I was right about introducing yourself to your audience. Not that I ever doubted it, but as I wrote in my Oct. 27 blog, Forget the Grand Entrance, it's always good to get to know your audience first and to let them know you in return. Normally, I simply introduce myself to members of the audience on the day of my presentation. But the night before I was scheduled to speak in Tampa, I saw a group of people at the hotel's "happy hour," and I asked them if they were part of NACM. They were, and they welcomed me to join them. After drinks, I joined them for dinner, and in the morning I had breakfast with many of them. It made a big difference when I stood to speak to them, and it showed in the warm feedback I received.
2. You never know where or when you will find a future audience. I spoke to a group of people who are in a job search about how to handle and conquer change, and while they were generally receptive to my message, one guy kept leaning back, obviously skeptical. "Pat, these are easy things to say, but are they really realistic," he asked. His timing was perfect, and I transitioned into my segment on predicting the future, including my own success in predicting my own job loss, thereby preparing for it by starting my own consulting practice. He joined right in after that, apparently satisfied that I was credible. Afterward, he approached me with a smile and asked if I would address his networking group for job seekers.
3. Work your own life into your speeches, and you will get unforeseen benefits. When I started my presentation on adapting to change to the Siemens group, I paused for a moment, then said: "I had a different opening for you until 12 hours ago. My wife and I left a singing performance, turned on our cell phones, and learned that our son had his first auto accident." After a collective groan of sympathy, I assured them that he and all those involved were okay, but that the accident caused several hardships we had to address: reporting the accident to our insurance company, figuring out our transportation now that one car was out of commission, et cetera. The moment was real, and it connected them to my subject -- and me to them -- in a unique way.

It was a great, busy couple of weeks that were fulfilling for me, as I hope they were for my audiences. I do regret that they took me from you for a while, but I look forward to sharing my lessons with you.

Having Your Audience Talk Back to You

Did you ever have a one-way conversation with someone? Think of the times that you were cornered at a cocktail party by someone who was selling you something or sharing pictures of their vacation to Wisconsin. Pretty boring, isn't it? Perhaps even painful...reminds me of the movie Take the Money and Run, when Woody Allen's jailed character was tortured by being locked in a cell with an insurance salesman.
This is why I've decided to take questions throughout most of my speeches rather than wait until the end. I think you show your audience a certain disrespect when you expect them to sit quietly and passively while you talk to them. Also, your presentation may become that one-way, dead-end street to which I alluded at the top... all you, all the time, and maybe sounding like the same-old, same-old to your listeners. On the other hand, generating audience participation is a way of spicing up your talk.

Is this a hard and fast rule? Absolutely not. Sometimes it's impractical due to the circum- stances of your talk. Perhaps the room is too large and the audience is too big to do this. Or it may be inappropriate because of the nature of your presentation.
If you are delivering an emotion-packed speech, such as a eulogy or fund-raising appeal,
you certainly don't want to break the mood, or your spell, by having the audience interrupt. But, in many other situations, talking with the audience more one-on-one can be desirable.

In my previous post, I mentioned how I went around the room prior to the start of a recent presentation, introduced myself to the attendees as their speaker for the day, and got their names. That helped later as I stood at the front of the room. When I asked leading questions, and they showed interest in responding, I was usually able to call them by their names, connecting with them. In one case, I told a story that drew an amused reaction from a man in the back. I gestured toward him and called, "You liked that, didn't you, Lou?" He explained to me and the rest of the room why he had found that anecdote meaningful.
Note: He also bought my book after the meeting was over.

I recommend a book titled Preventing Death by Lecture, by Sharon Bowman. I met Sharon only once at a local meeting of the National Speakers Association, but I found her to be one of the most memorable speakers I ever heard. She gives lots of fun tips on how to engage your audience so they are involved in your presentation and are more likely to remember you and what you said afterward. I encourage you to check her out.

Forget the Grand Entrance

The lights dim.
Smoke envelopes the stage. A hush falls over the crowd.
There are strains of classical music, and then Stravinsky blasts out of the p.a. system.
Suddenly, there is a flash of light and there stands...
OUR GUEST SPEAKER!

This is a dramatic and powerful way to bring a rock-and-roll star onto the stage in an arena, but it's much too much for many speakers. Most entertainers are there to WOW you and blow you away. But the relationship with a featured speaker is much different. As speakers, we engage our audiences personally, talking with them one-on-one the best we can in order to connect with them. We should take the stage much differently.
I had a very pleasant experience recently speaking to a local civic group. I arrived early as every speaker should to get a feel for the room, including the area from which I would be speaking. But there was an added benefit, as I was able to greet personally as many of the people in attendance that I could. I shook their hands and introduced myself: "I'm Pat Rocchi, and I'll be your speaker today." I tried my best to remember their names.
The meeting began with an invocation from Pastor Paul, a local minister, who talked about being thankful for the bounty of the season. Note to self: Remember those words for when I get up to speak.
The introduction I wrote for myself served a similar, personal purpose, thanks to advice I received from Craig Valentine: He advises us to write an introduction that tells the audience what they will get out of the speech, NOT a litany of our great accomplishments. In that way, the audience knows what's in it for them.
My talk to the group was about how to handle change, based on my book, "The Six P's of Change." I did research on the local economy and the people who would be in the room, so I was able to make my talk applicable to their jobs and businesses. When I opened, I referred back to Pastor Paul's invocation, reminding them that "for everything, there is a season, and we are in a season of change."
How did it go? Well, at the end, three people bought my book based on their interest from hearing my speech. (The man who brought me in was amazed. "I've been here for 20 years, and I never saw an author sell a book to our members.") Another woman handed me her card and asked if I would be interested in speaking to the local Chamber of Commerce. "I guarantee you that you will get more time than you got here," suggesting that a longer, more detailed speech to her group would be a good thing.
Before I started speaking professionally, I sometimes found meeting the speaker at the front of the room, introudcing her/himself, to be an affectation. But I've since learned that such personal engagement pays off. It certainly was a plus for me on that day.

From Speaking English to Singing Italian

I'm part of an a cappella singing group called A Cappella Pops. It's another way I use my voice, singing songs without any instrumental accompaniment alongside 30 of my closest friends. We've sung at Carnegie Hall and the White House, and the group toured Australia and New Zealand earlier this year, so, yeah, we take our fun pretty seriously.

The group needed a back-up for our version of "Time to Say Goodbye" (aka "Con te Partiro"). It is a pop standard made famous by Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli, though he is also known for singing it in a duet with Sarah Brightman. It is a very romantic song, made more so by the Italian lyrics.

The usual male lead for this song can't make an upcoming concert, so we needed a back up for him. I decided to try out. I figured I could handle the lyrics because I speak Italian -- not fluently, but I know all the pronunciations, so I can repeat them pretty convincingly. Furthermore, because I understand the language, I would actually know the meaning of what I was singing. This is no ABBA-like phonetic read-through.

However, I had one challenge: The song is generally sung by a tenor, while I am a baritone, a deeper voice. (Think of it as a challenge similar to fitting a Sumo wrestler into a kayak.) So I had not only to learn the Italian in time, but I had to push my voice to the higher pitch.

I practiced with two different vocal coaches, then with the woman who sings the other lead. The beginning parts were fine, as they fit right into my range. And while my voice is not operatic like Bocelli's, I am somewhat of a crooner, like my fellow Italian Americans Perry Como and Dean Martin. So I was giving the song my own unique spin.

Then came the night I had to audition before the whole group. I had been practicing about an hour prior to rehearsal, and I probably overdid it, so my voice was somewhat shot.

There was the matter of my nerves. This song is very meaningful to A Cappella Pops. I needed to prove I was worthy of the lead. Finally, I had been suffering from a cold and a post-nasal drip or some such irritation to my throat. This could not be pretty.

The song began. Deb, the woman who sings the female lead/Sarah Brightman part, is a trained contralto, and her voice is just lovely. She is a tough act to follow. But I had to follow her.

Remember those old print ads that read, "They laughed when I sat at the piano. But when I started to play..."? Well, the group was surprised at the power in my voice. (Hell, I was surprised! This was my first I sang the song in front of a group.) It went well, and the Italian flowed.

Then came the last high notes, the ones written for a tenor. With a combination of nerves and the cold, my throat was as narrow as a clogged artery. I couldn't squeeze out a note or squeak out a sound. Luckily, Deb blew the sound out of the room.

But the next week was better. My vocal production was even more controlled, and I sang the final notes in a falsetto. It was a definite improvement.

In the end, I took on this challenge because of lessons I learned as a speaker, which I applied here:

1. Go outside your comfort zone. If you are known as a funny speaker, try to be more serious at times. If you're humor is dry as a bone, make 'em laugh, as Donald O'Connor sang.
2. Be good to your voice. I taxed my vocal cords, and I paid the price. Our voice is our best, most valuable tool.
3. Practice, practice, practice. I've said this before in previous posts. There is no substitute for this.
   

So on October 18, I make my Italian debut. I'll let you know how I do. Maybe I'll even add a file of my performance. In the meantime, think of the new vocal things you can do when you set your mind to it.