In the Category of "What Was I Thinking?"

My friends and I got into a discussion on Facebook today on several Presidential campaign snafus that were entirely avoidable: Mitt Romney's heartfelt but vocally challenged rendition of "America the Beautiful" is now an Obama ad. Barack Obama tone deaf remark that "the private sector is doing fine" has been a Romney ad for weeks. Perhaps the biggest self-inflicted wound of all time was by Michael Dukakis when he got into a tank and... well, let the ad speak for itself.
But, really, don't our organizations do the same things when they take actions or make announcements without thinking them through? Here are some examples:

• A company makes record profits but employees' salaries are frozen.
• Health benefits are cut with out a rationale.
• U.S. Olympic uniforms are made in China.
• New Coke. (Really, do I need to elaborate on that one?)

Here's a simple example of preemptive media management: An industrial TV organization I belonged to gave a "Communicator of the Year" award to a local broadcaster. As the dinner was underway, a local TV station  -- indeed, the one where he worked -- sent a crew in to get some footage for that night's newscast. As soon as they entered the room, his beer bottle quickly, discretely went under the table. He enjoyed it again after they left.

That really wasn't so difficult. We should all give our actions that much consideration.
 

A Recipe for Insularity

To close yourself off from the public and limit your accountability for your actions, do the following:

• Prepare a large and loyal following.
• Coddle your organization's insiders.
• Blacken anyone who disagrees with you.
• Blanch over the slightest interference from outside authorities.
• When it all comes to a boil, cry prejudice.
• Stew over the results of your actions.

This winning recipe has been done to perfection for such institutions as Penn State University, The Catholic Church, The Democratic Party, The Republican Party and most big-city police departments.
Warning: The final dish when left out loses its taste over time.

Learning Inspiration from Jack Nicholson

I was watching the 1997 movie As Good As It Gets when I heard one of the most memorable lines, and one of the best sentiments, written for a movie over the last 20 years.

Jack Nicholson played Melvin Udall, a writer with OCD, who falls in love with waitress Carol Connelly (played by Helen Hunt). While he is awkwardly wooing her over dinner, she requests a compliment from him, mostly to counteract the insults he inadvertently inflicts on others as a result of his condition.
Melvin thinks it over, and he informs Carol that since he met her, he is controlling his OCD with medication for the first time. Carol, bewildered, asks what that has to do with her.

Melvin draws his breath and announces to Carol, somewhat gallantly, that "You make me want to be a better man." (See the scene here.)

It is one of the best compliments that Carol has ever received in her hard-knock life. And well it should be.

Who is the person for whom you want to improve? To do your best? It could be a loved one, a teacher, a coach, a boss, a colleague.

There must be a person for whom you want to give more than a passable effort. You could write a brochure that looks like the others in your marketing department, or you could create a breakthrough document. You can lay brick to collect your daily pay, or you could help build one of the most beautiful walls ever.

But who is the person YOU want to make better? Maybe that is the more pertinent question.

In Memoriam: Robert D. "Bob" Reif

Bob Reif smiles proudly upon his
family: (from left) Eric, Amy and Melissa.

A little backstory: My friend since age 13, Bob Reif, died of complications from a lung transplant on June 24m 2012. At the request of Bob's wife, Amy, and his children, Eric and Melissa, I proudly delivered this eulogy for Bob at at Temple Rodef Shalom in Falls Church, VA on June 26. I spoke these words when I stepped to the lectern and was impressed by the size of the crowd gathered.

Wow! From this vantage point, I am able to see so many people who were touched by Bob. From where you are, I ask that you look quickly to your left... your right... behind you and in front of you.

Do you see all those people with us today? I guarantee that you all have one thing in common. I'll bet Bob made every one of you laugh and be happy at one time or another.

My wife, Marie, and I share a favorite memory that illustrates Bob audacious sense of humor. It was at the funeral of his father, Martin. When Marie and I came up to the casket to express our condolences, Bob's mother, Annalise, looked wistfully around at the crowd -- the many people in attendance -- and she said, "Look at all these people. Isn’t it nice? Marty would have enjoyed seeing them."

Bob looked at the casket, smiled at us and said, "Yeah, in fact he would have preferred it."

He had few filters, no sense of shame and little sense of propriety. And that was because he understood that it is not the years in your life that are important, but rather the life you give your years.

Bob's mind operated at the speed of light. He was so fast and he had stored so much information that he could make a pun or a joke or an incisive and insightful observation seemingly instantaneously. It was hard to keep up with him. But along with a fast mind, Bob had persistent values. Those of us who knew him, as I have for more than 45 years, know that that he saved his biggest barbs for politics. He was unabashedly, unapologetically and unilaterally liberal. And Democratic. Bob is the only person I know who could have his son wear a T-shirt that read, "Friends don't let friends vote Republican."

By the way, if you are Republican, please don’t take offense at this. I have been on the opposite side of Bob’s politics, and I am left of center myself. By the time Bob was done with me, I looked like Rush Limbaugh to him.  If you’re offended, we can blame Bob today.

But I also understood that Bob's values came from the wellspring of charity and altruism that has been the hallmark of modern American Judaism over the course of the 20th century through the present.

You see, even as Bob grew more successful in his life, material things never really possessed him. Instead, he continued to care genuinely for others who were less fortunate than he was. And he believed that we needed to care for another. He lived the words of Psalm 82: "Defend the cause of the weak; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

It speaks well of Bob to say that these qualities are considered old-fashioned today. As the chairman of Epstein Becker Green so beautifully expressed in an e-mail to the firm yesterday, Bob was loyal, fair, committed, and an eager mentor to new members of the firm. In the tumult of everyday life, it was not often about him. Amy, Eric and Missy, his brother Gerry, his mother and father, his mother-in-law Kitty, and we, his friends... all of us came first.

I can attest to this from personal experience. During the course of his fight with pulmonary fibrosis, Bob learned that I was also ill. From his hospital bed, he wrote a message to me that encouraged me to fight and beat the disease. Even in his most challenging time, it was not about him.

No words that I or anyone will give you today can remove the hurt, the betrayal we all feel after such a promising period after Bob’s transplant. But here in the presence of God, we can choose, over time, to thank Him that the life of Bob’s years was so abundant with the virtues of
joy and wit…
benevolence and selflessness…
honor, idealism and integrity…
his ongoing wonder and curiosity for all the world has to offer,
and in the end, courage.

And God, please take Bob with the open and generous arms that he extended to so many of us. But however You take him... please don't take him too seriously. I guarantee You; he can make YOU laugh, too.

DOES THAT SUCK? and Other Questions about Language

I was evaluating a Toastmasters meeting, when a speaker said that a particular situation "sucked."

Hm. 

When I presented my report to the club, I asked, "Was that term acceptable to you? I am really asking that question, because I know the root of that expression (in my inside voice: fellatio), and I would not use it. But that could be a generational and cultural bias on my part? What do you think?"

It was an interesting discussion, and the consensus is that "sucks" is the new "stinks" - a previously questionable term that has entered into acceptability.

In another example, Toastmaster magazine published a cover story titled Snafu Survival, about how to protect yourself from unexpected technical problems. I knew that someone would object to "snafu" as a World War II acronym for "situation normal, all fu**ed up." Sure enough, two members wrote to the magazine, asking if the editors really knew the origin of this word and questioned its appropriateness. One said that she would not even display the issue publicly. The editors responded that the dictionary defines this as a perfectly acceptable word.

I believe both instances bring up good lessons about the appropriateness of words. I suggest these guidelines:

1. Don't be so hidebound as to ignore the evolution of the times and the current interpretation of the word in question.
2. Still, be sensitive to your audience as to the sensitivities of your particular audience. That includes demographics and culture as well as age. For example, a synonym for "stingy" is "niggardly." I knew someone who thoughtlessly used this word to an African American audience.
   Enough said.
3. Ask people of different backgrounds what they think of a word as a way to learn, especially those of a different age group. Such folks teach me things all the time.

 

Take a look at this photo. Do you see anything wrong with it?
You should know that at time in Great Britain, this was the equivalent of the middle finger. However, I think you can safely make the gesture today. Though I don't know why you would find it useful.

Capere Natalis (Seize the Birthday)

So today is my birthday, and I was having breakfast with my friend, Ralph. We were commiserating about the state of our lives, and we both reminisced about the times we were very successful losing pounds on Weight Watchers©. I turned to Ralph and said, "I have been thinking about going back to Weight Watchers. Would you go with me?"
He agreed, and after breakfast, we drove to the mall and signed up. Our first meeting is 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. (No, we did not procrastinate. The next available meeting today was not for another three hours and would have killed our schedule for the day.)
A positive change made in a matter of minutes.
Question: Why can't I do that all the time?
Answer: I can. The difference is that today was the rare day when I resolved to make that change immediately.

An Open Letter to Recruiters: It is Time to Treat Job Seekers with Dignity

How are job-seekers being treated by employers and their surrogates, such as HR departments and recruiters, in this difficult economy ? Here is a glimpse, in the form of an open letter from a job candidate who had enough.
 
First, the scenario: An out-of-work senior professional I know applied for a job at an East Coast health care chain. The organizational recruiter requested a phone interview him, and he accepted, adjusting his schedule to spend an hour with her. After hearing his credentials, the recruiter was interested enough to ask for more information in the form of examples of the candidate's work in that field. "Send me the work samples," she requested, "and I will share them with the hiring manager. He'll be back next week, and I will get back to you to tell you how we will go forward."

The candidate prepared a detailed portfolio and e-mailed it to the recruiter. Time passed. First one week. Then another. The candidate was patient, until a month passed. Then he corresponded with the recruiter and received this response by email:

"Thank you so much for your time and additional information on your background for the position at (local employer).  At this time, the Executive team has decided to move forward with an internal candidate.  We will keep your information on file for future roles."

This was a day when the candidate had had enough, and he sent back this e-mail:

"As a job hunter, please let me give you some input for you and your peers: 

"After I gave you my time and responded to your request for a portfolio as a follow up, I would have appreciated knowing of this development. There are many of us out here trying to get work in a difficult economy, and it is disheartening to spend our time and make a great deal of effort only to be left hanging, made to wonder what is happening next.

"It is apparent that even after all the initiative I put into this opportunity, I would not have heard from (local employer) if I had not circled back. And I am quite familiar with your position. In my own role as a business leader, I have built and rebuilt teams over the years by seeking out and interviewing many people. I have called prospective candidates and even vendors back to give them closure and to thank them for attempts to work with me. In this era of instant, electronic communication, not using a simple e-mail, even one that is automated, is an oversight and a slight.

"I urge you and others in your discipline to remember that there are real, live people on the other end of these applications and interviews. It would be helpful to their psyches if more employers and their recruiters kept these folks and their pain in mind."

I'm glad that my friend got this off his chest, as he speaks for all job seekers who are being treated poorly. We have reached a point in this business world where employees and potential employees are regarded as one more piece of capital, as costly and expendable as last year's model of the fax machine, and  even as outmoded at times. Many are suffering, and they are putting forth any effort they can to earn a livable wage. They do not need to be humiliated further by faceless factotums who treat them as expendable.

Decades ago, Linda Loman, Willy's wife in Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman cried out in frustration when her husband was being disregarded in the work place. She said, "He's a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him....Attention, attention must finally be paid to such a person." At one time, I found those words to be overly dramatic and hyperbolic. Now, nearly 65 years later, in this place and time, Miller seems downright prescient. Shame on us who have allowed this to come true.

The 76ers Lost, and That's OK in Philly

Here in Philadelphia, the sports fans are reacting very well to the fact that our basketball team did not make it to the Eastern Conference finals. That's because, despite their undeservedly harsh image, they have their priorities in order. 

When the season began, there was no expectation that the Sixers would even have a winning season. Instead, the team improved enough to make the playoffs. They won their first round with some luck. (Opponent Chicago lost their most valuable player.) But in the second round, they forced the Boston Celtics to a seventh and deciding game. In the end, Philly fans know the team played over their heads, and that is enough. 

Pope John XXIII shared this daily advice:

• See everything.
• Overlook a lot.
• Improve a little.

The fans understood this when judging the 76ers. How about the rest of us? What are our perspectives on our children, our direct reports, our colleagues, our loved ones? We can all stand to be kinder in our analyses of others. 

AMC Sale May be Harbinger of the End of Theaters

I am interested in the sale of the AMC chain as a sign to the end of movie theaters. When U.S. assets are sold to foreign entities, a common reaction is that it signals extranational control of American assets. I find it to something entirely different: Foreign companies usually buy into American industries or individual companies that are dead or dying, often slowly transforming into commodities. Consider:

• The sale of IBM computers (becoming Lenovo) after they were no longer competitive in the market
• The sale of GE's Black & Decker small appliances after such items became cheap and disposable
• the entire TV set industry, none of which are manufactured in the U.S.

As far as movie chains go, the real money is in content, and this is where the U.S. excels, exporting our culture and intellectual property around the world. (I understood this when I saw The Addams Family black & white TV show on a local Italian television station.) Furthermore, how many people will be watching movies in theaters in the coming decades?

To Learn Personal Branding, Go to Oz

Dr. Mehmet Oz is a master at projecting
a positive image of his work.

I speak to many groups about personal branding to optimize the image that they want to project. A person in the public eye who serves as an excellent role model is the great and powerful Dr. Oz, adviser to the masses about good health and a good life. Yes, he is an Ivy League-educated physician PLUS a Wharton M.B.A. AND he has performed thousands of cardiothoracic surgical procedures at New York City's prestigious Presbyterian/Columbia University Medical Center. But those characteristics are not nearly as obvious as the others he visibly presents, including:

• HIS DRESS -- I usually see him in his scrubs or similar "doctor" garb. Calculating? Yes, of course; I doubt that he has rushed to every TV appearance from the OR. However, there is also no mistaking that he is a physician, just as Bruce Springsteen must dress like a rock star (usually in black), or David Copperfield must look as mysterious as a magician should.
• HIS PHYSIQUE -- Oz's fitness is the bane of all the rest of us middle-aged guys. At 51, he looks as much as a decade younger, trim, flexible and vibrant. He represents his own advice, much as the late, great exercise advocate Jack LaLanne did, even as he lived into his 90s.
• HIS BEHAVIOR -- Upon greeting a reporter from Success magazine, Oz offered him cashews from a bag he carries with him. Do you keep a bag of nuts or another healthy snack with you at all times? You do when you are trying to be the living embodiment of good health.
• HIS PERSONAL LIFESTYLE -- Oz professes that to live a long, healthy life, one must personal relationships.He is frequently photographed with his beautiful family of a wife, three daughters and a son. Together, they look like they came out of central casting (a compliment), also reinforcing his message of health and happiness. 

So what is the image you are projecting? If you are gifted with your hands and work a manual craft, do you present yourself to customers as someone who is ready to tackle a tough job or as someone who just stepped out of a Lands End catalog? (Look to Dirty Jobs' Mike Rowe as a good example of credibility in this case.) If you are a financial adviser, do you look successful yourself?

A friend contacted me recently literally minutes I had updated my LinkedIn profile because I had left an unusual number of typos. "Bad image for a professional communicator, Pat," she emailed me. Branding is a complete job, and it requires attention to a number of details. Heed them all.